Disappear

Haven't you ever wished that you could just go away in a cave, disappear from absolutely everyone, and never contact anyone? Haven't you ever wondered what people would think in that case? How they would wonder where you've gone? They'd say, "Where has my friend gone?" They'd say, "where has my child gone?" They wouldn't know.

I wouldn't do it out of hate, or the fact that I want to be alone, or that I'm depressed and I just don't want to deal with people, I'd just want to do it just to see what would happen. I would do it just to see how people would react to someone completely dropping off of the radar. I wouldn't even leave my home. I'd just stay inside my house for a year. I'd tell my parents not to let anyone in. I'd tell them not to give me the phone when my friends would call.

Then I'd show up a year later. I'd act completely normal. Everyone would ask me, "What happened to you? Where have you been?" and I'd say, "Why did you ask? Did something happen to me?" and they'd say, "What? You've disappeared for an entire year!" and I'd say something to the effect of, "No I haven't, I've been here the whole time." just to mess with their heads.

There's only one person I would tell, and that's because I could never do that to her and make her worry like that, because I love her.

Another day

Back to the old grind.
Get up at 5:45
Shower until 6:00

If status = still tired
Yes: Go back to sleep until 6:40
No: Stay awake & browse the interbutts

leave at 7:00
catch a bus at 7:10-7:20
arrive at school at 7:30
sit in hallway until 8:00
classes until 3:35
hang around until 6:00 (6:30, at the latest)
etc. until anywhere from 10:30-2:30
brush teeth
sleep
repeat

Profound thoughts

Don't you just wish you had something profound & deep to say, every time the situation calls for it?

I sure wish I had something like that to say at the beginning of these blog posts. However, this isn't the case.

I'm feeling better compared to my last post. Again, these blogs must be helping.

You know what pisses me off? Ugly people. Not simply their looks, but just all around ugly. When the very words that pour from their mouths are just terrible abominations of the English language, that's what pisses me off. A prime example sits across the classroom from me. I can hear her all the way over here, and it slowly fills me with disgust. It sounds like she has a lump in her throat. I can feel her ugly words inside my head, filling it to the point where they're spilling out of my ears. It's not like I can just ignore her, because everyone in the room is quiet, and there's no-one else I can talk to as a palate-cleanser.

Anyways, I'm pretty proud of myself because I worked for an hour straight, and that's saying something. I decided to take a break to blog. I've only 20 minutes left in this class. Hopefully these last 20 minutes go by smoothly.

I'm not in the mood for this shit.

Why can't the world just back the fuck off for at least one day, so everyone could leave us the fuck alone & we can just spend time together?

I don't want to be in this school today. I'm annoyed by almost everyone here except for at least 3 people. I don't want to talk to anyone in school today. I only really want to talk to one person, and they know who they are.

I told you. I'm fucking annoyed.

I'll laugh today. I'll smile. I can't promise it won't be fake though.

Why can't anyone just see that I'm not in the mood for stupid shit? I just want today to be over.

I ran across the street, to see you
To hold your hand, to feel you
I kissed you, hugged, you, held you close,
and it turned out to be a daydream.

Most of these students, sitting in the room, not paying attention at all.
A teacher, giving a lecture that falls on deaf & distracted ears.
And a Seventeen year-old young man, who misses you.

I'm such a fucking sap. I always thought I wouldn't ever be like this.
I used to think that I would be less of a man, if I said "I miss you" an hour after I get off the phone.
I obviously don't think like that anymore.

In Eight days, it'll be Two months.
I don't mind when you fall asleep before we get a chance to talk.
I love your letters, & I love your smile, & I love your laugh, & I love your gorgeous eyes.

I love you.

Alex English

This has to be a world record. 4 blog posts in one day. I just can't leave this alone.
I'm sitting in class today, bored as hell. I have a half-hour left in this block, and I'm done with the most brutal class of the day.

Just keep your arms around me. I won't let your body touch, won't let it touch the ground. Just keep your eyes on me. And let me be your gravity. Until you can, can sleep sound.

So, I haven't written a song in quite a while. Maybe I'll do that sometime real soon.

I'm feeling better. I felt like there was a weight on my shoulders, but I'm doing a hell of a lot better now that I've been constantly blogging.

This blog's a bunch of trash. Look how quickly Jon changes his mind from "I feel better from constantly blogging" to "I think this blog is utter trash". Oh well.

The best idea I've ever heard was cutting the week short & just spending time together, alone, and not having to worry about anyone at all. I love that idea. I just wish it were possible.

Yet again

another blog post.
I feel better now that I'm not wasting energy on pathetic people. I've forgotten my previous method for happiness:

Don't let people's attitudes dictate how you feel. Honestly, people can hate me all they want. I'm not going to let it ruin my day. Because today, I get to see the most beautiful, amazing girl. That's all I've wanted all week, so frankly, I don't give a damn as to what others have to say.

Like I said in my last post, I really am tired, though. I'm just plain out exhausted. Insomnia has gotten the best of me for two days in a row, and it's not fair. But what can I do? There's nothing I, myself can do to cure it, and there is where the problem lies.

I wish I could cure everything. I wish I could make everyone feel better. I wish I could cure anger, hatred, and sorrow. Again, this isn't the case. People won't listen, no matter how much sense you fucking make.

So, I can't do anything but sit here and listen to angry people. I have to sit here and listen to people bitch each other out for no real reason. But it's okay. No matter how much someone done goofs, I could never hate them. Hatred is an illness, and people who hate others are the ill.

Anyways, right now I have mixed feelings of exhaustion, hunger, thirst, & love, along with the fact that I miss that beautiful, wonderful girl I mentioned.

I hope today goes by faster.